Applying for full time jobs is a full time job… only horrible.
- At a full time job I get paid money for my time and energy — applying for a full time job full time I spend money on icky things like resume paper and interview outfits.
- At a full time job I have a place to show up everyday where people are glad to see me — applying for a full time job full time I show up at Panera to try to befriend with the teenage workers and realize I will never be cool with them (my long-term goal is to get a free asiago cheese bread hookup).
- At a full time job I am given guidelines and tasks to be productive — applying for a full time job full time I set my own guidelines and tasks such as, "put on pants today" and "I can eat food once I've sent out 5 resumes".
- At a full time job I make friends and collaborate on projects with like minded people — applying for a full time job full time I have built a relationship with the dog while seeking advice on cover letters and discuss peace treaties with the cats regarding their sitting on the computer keyboard.
- At a full time job I get to go to office parties and events— applying for a full time job full time I choreograph dances to the entire Frozen Soundtrack and celebrate things like National Ravioli Day and my half-birthday.
- At a full time job I feel a sense of accomplishment after a hard days work — applying for a full time job full time I feel like I accomplished nothing tangible after a hard days work so I solve a crossword puzzle to feel like I am winning (Monday puzzles only when trying to achieve this sense of defeat).
- At a full time job I get health benefits that are handled by human resources — applying for a full time job full time I learn the ins and outs of the Health Source RI webpage and by that I mean: the website takes me in circles and then laughs in my face when, after four hours of filling out the same boxes it tells me the site is undergoing maintenance and will be down until after the deadline to apply (seriously, I heard it laugh).
- At a full time job I am up for promotions and hear praise from the higher ups when I accomplish my goals — applying for a full time job full time, upgrading my Pandora account for 99 cents is my only promotion and when I accomplish my goal to apply for at least 10 jobs a day I hear, "You are awesome and we hope you will consider applying for other positions with our company in the future but we are going in another direction this time." So that is a little bit like praise right?
I do feel a sense of pride that through all of this I push forward and continue to search for that elusive, "you're hired". I am getting to know my abilities and strengths on a whole new level and I have found there is nothing I cannot accomplish. My grandmother often says to me, "every 'no' is a step on the path to the job you were meant for".
Each "no" will make that final "yes" endlessly valuable to me.