Thoughts At 2:30- 2

"Take care of yourself" Loved ones and friends say this as fluidly as "goodbye" or "talk to you later" but I never really heard it as something different until today. For whatever reason, this morning when it was said to me I realized I'm not taking care of myself; and I should be. Those four words had lost meaning somehow because they are said so flippantly and often times even reduced down to a simple, "take care".

I'm really trying, but I feel so much pressure to take care of other people and I'll admit I don't understand the balance yet. The fear of being labeled selfish or self-centered has paralyzed me for much of my life and I think my scale has tipped too far in the other direction. Some days lately I haven't even been getting out of bed and I know it is because if I find the time to do something for my own life, that means I technically have the time to listen to all the other demands around me. I don't know how to tell people that I have nothing left to give some days. This formula leaves me saying yes to more than I can handle.

I need to get up in the morning and clean my apartment, deal with finances, write in my blog and exercise. Those are the areas of my life that I most often neglect. How do I find the energy for those important tasks and still balance the areas I have been successful in? I have a handle on my jobs, my family relationships and my friends but all of those involve a lot of work, thought and giving. I'm not complaining, simply trying to resolve where I find reserves of fuel for the rest.

I want to take care of everyone; to be the girl that is known as loving, reliable and giving, but I need to find a way to also give parts of that girl back to myself.IMG_0564