Ok, I haven’t talked about something on this blog yet because I was nervous that readers would judge me. I can’t really get around it anymore because it is a problem that exists and with 325 days left for me to write this year I can’t exactly avoid any topic. So I’ll just get right to it, I have an issue with ugly babies.
Before you all get upset and stop reading, I should say that I think a majority of babies are cute and I believe that by some divine rule they are supposed to be. Most of the time I look at your baby and I think it is adorable, but I think that magnifies the problem I have with the ugly ones; my expectations are just so high. Don’t act like you think every baby on the planet is precious, you’re a liar and you know it.
How does one handle a situation in which a funny looking baby is involved? You are meeting someones beloved child and you have to lie and tell them that he/she is beautiful, I understand that. I always get anxiety when I see an ugly baby though because then I think that the parent knows I’m lying and that now they are pissed at me. It’s really unfair, I shouldn’t be in trouble because I was politely sugar coating their offspring’s unfortunate appearance.
I wonder if on some level they know; or maybe as parents they are programmed to think their child is perfect, I can’t tell. They surely feel, to them, everything the kid does is funny and adorable, but on some deeper level do they realize it? When my good friend Lisa was pregnant she and I were walking around the outlet mall one day and I brought up the subject because I knew she was the type who wouldn’t be offended. I also knew that she would be honest with me. The conversation went something like this:
Me: Lisa, can I ask you something a little offensive?
Lisa: I’d be mad if you didn’t…
Me: Do you ever worry that your baby is going to come out and be ugly and then you might love her less?
Lisa: (Very straightforward) Every day.
I knew she was serious and we even went on to discuss how she had spoken with her mother about these concerns. Her mother had agreed; this made me feel less guilty about it.
Why should I feel guilty though? As we grow, if we aren’t attractive we have other traits we can rely on that are just as (if not more) valuable so it’s ok to not be the most attractive, but what does a baby have? They are born cute so we will want to sacrifice everything for them and their neediness will be welcomed and nurtured. If a baby isn’t cute they don’t have much else going on, they are lumps for the first few months. I’m sorry, if you owned something that served no purpose and was just around needing care and attention, you would at least want it to be nice to look at.
I wanted to attach a picture to this post, but I realized that a lot of the photos I wanted to use were of babies that belong to people I see on Facebook and I was worried they would stumble upon it here. For everyone who sees this and thinks I’m a terrible person and in the interest of not offending anyone I will leave you with a photo of an anonymous baby. I’ll let you all decide for yourselves if you still want to say I’m out of line.
Learning to be Funny 
YES OH GOD YES THIS IS AMAZING!
Where did you find that baby picture of me?
Remember the duckling — may look bad now, but she’ll have the last laugh when she’s rakin’ it in as a supermodel in 2030. (I just put this here in case the mom stumbles on this by accident.)
We know a kid who as a baby had the scariest looking huge square head but who is now the heartthrob of his grade. Ya never know. I’d say, get the baby to smile at you and then see if it still seems ugly.