I have a serious problem with Walmart. I don’t think my problem is similar to why many people really hate the chain, my issue is less with the giant corporation eating up tiny businesses (although that does upset me) and more with the people I am forced into contact with when I’m there.

I avoid Walmart at all costs, but there are these awesome stain glass lightbulbs that I have only ever seen there so when one of them goes out in my apartment I have to brave the store. I should begin by saying that, in general I take issue with people who wear pajamas out in public. I don’t care if you are just running to the store… the rest of us have to put on clothes and go out into society, so should you. Think of it as a jumping off point to being less lazy in general. Today you put on jeans to go outside. Tomorrow, a matching top (and by matching I do NOT mean a denim shirt, goodness). The day after that, a comb might even touch your hair.

I think it points to how lazy our society is becoming; can you even picture someone from the 1940’s wearing pajamas in public? It would have been unheard of, but today when I show up with an actual coordinated outfit (::GASP::) I get treated like I’m making everyone else look bad. As though I wanted to outdo the other people shopping that day. Trust me when I say, all I want is to not see you in an oversized Tweety Bird shirt with plaid flannel bottoms and old crusty slippers. Also, you are at Walmart, where I know hair dye is disgustingly inexpensive… invest in yourself people. Splurge for the kind with the applicator if you are feeling really fancy.

Why do all of the people who assault me with their ugly end up at Walmart? When I go to Target I don’t run into this problem. There might be a few, but a few I can handle. I have a built in ability to ignore up to 3 bad outfits at a time, any more than that and I’m forced to take notice. On the worst of all my trips to this mega-store I saw (all within about 10 minutes):

  • A large woman in a floral muumuu— Don’t tell me that because of your weight there is nothing nice to wear. I know plenty of fabulous plus sized people who dress nicely, so unless you are willing to hunt down and get rid of all of them, I will continue to hold you to a standard. Don’t they sell clothes at Walmart? Oh look, you are already there, that was easy!
  • A husband and wife with matching mullets, both wearing Harley Davidson t-shirts— I don’t ride a Harley, but it seems to me like you could probably ride one and be cool without wearing a t-shirt to match. You don’t see me riding around in my Jetta with a Volkswagon shirt on; being cool on a Harley is about more than just making every aspect of your life Harley Davidson themed. Also, let’s not skip over the fact that I don’t even know what hairdresser I could go to for that cut, but I’m even more amazed that you found one that would cater to men and women looking to rock the look.
  • A family of little people pushing themselves around with the whole family loaded up into the main part of their carriage. Don’t get me wrong, this on it’s own is nothing I would even really notice, but after the muumuu and the mullets, midgets just seemed like overkill. Note, I do not condone the use of the word midget, but for the sake of alliteration I caved.
I had to get out. I left Walmart that day without my bulbs.

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