The Wendy’s Diet

I was watching TV the other day when I forgot to fast forward and accidentally watched a commercial. Maybe it’s a good thing I did because I haven’t been keeping up with world news and I hadn’t yet heard that the burger on the 99 cent menu at Wendy’s now has more beef! I observed the elated consumers in the ad and realized that they were all skinny and athletic, so I figure this means I can quit this crazy Weight Watchers stuff that is so regimented and go on a Wendy’s diet.

I’m sure this will work. There was plenty of proof in the commercial, and advertisers can’t, by law, lie. Right? There were a lot of very happy young people sitting in the fast food haven itself and they were all attractive, thin and laughing.Then they showed me a kid doing tricks on his bike with his value meal in hand; I’m just in awe, that’s talent. Then they flashed to three kids in soccer gear passing around the communal bag of food, which tells me their mom knows to feed her kids power food after the big game. Some white guy wearing a tie was also eating it, that’s the clincher. White guys in ties always make smart choices.

I also can’t ignore that I am now getting more bang for my buck. I saw something recently in another reputable ad for a diet plan with shakes that said if you eat too little you will gain weight. Apparently the scientists over at the Wendy’s lab saw this and decided to take immediate action. Their concern for their customers is really impressive, they knew we needed more beef to fight obesity.

The only problem with this plan is that I saw another Wendy’s commercial a few months back starring Wendy herself… and for some reason this diet plan wasn’t working out for her. Poor Wendy.


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