When All Ideas Fail…

I’m actually so exhausted and weary that I went to a blog generator website tonight. I should maybe feel ashamed, but once I saw what they were giving me, I’m actually pretty bummed I didn’t find these magical tools sooner.

At first I made a pact with myself that I would write about the first idea generated no matter what came up. That was before I saw “piano scales” come up.

Really? Oh perfect, that will be brilliant and hysterical to read. Why would we need to weigh pianos so much that they have their own scales?

::Cue the joke drums:: I think I just became a hack.

After clicking through many more randomly generated gems I was thoroughly amused. Major topics like:

• I could do without Amy Winehouse– Well you got your wish generator… she died. Too soon.
• 7 Things I hate about Robin Williams– I can’t hate Robin Williams! Think about Hook and Jumanji and the singing genie in Aladdin; I could go on and on. Sure he’s gone downhill but so would anyone after a hit like Happy Feet Two, that just can’t be matched. I will not take on the challenge of making this full list of seven and I will only name one thing– I hate that Robin Williams isn’t here with me now hanging out, watching Special Victims Unit with me and eating fruit snacks. I think he and I would really click as buddies.
• I hate chip dip- BUT I DON’T. Stop trying to turn me against awesome things. Who hates chip dip?!?! Nobody, thats who.
• The future of Best Buy- Is this an attempt at making me get political or socially opinionated? Believe me I have no trouble with that. I just think if I’m going to go there it won’t be for something so dull that even the heads of Best Buy itself use topic generators to figure out anything else to discuss at their meetings.
• George Lucas- Even though this is topical right now, my head is still swimming with Peter Jackson. As a comedian I think I’m supposed to make some kind of joke about Mickey Mouse needing a jacket for planet Hoth, but I’m too tired to be clever. Meh.
• Over the counter medications that don’t work- We can consider this one worth putting in the research phase pile. One day when I have nothing to write about I’ll just take a bunch of over the counter meds and see how it goes. Brilliant.
• Depictions of Satan- Has anyone ever taken that idea and run with it from this generator site? That sounds delightful.
• Can you believe Portugal?- That’s racist.
• 5 things I like about black pepper- 1. The smell and taste of it on my food. 2. The fact that, unlike white pepper, I can see how much has landed so I never over pepper. 3. It is offered to me in a big phallic shaped dispenser at fancy restaurants and it makes me feel important. 4. Makes my food zippy. 5. I think it would win in a cage match versus salt. Wow, that list was easier than I expected, must be because black pepper is as awesome as Robin Williams. I’d like to sprinkle some of him onto my food….

Too far? Yeah. I need to f^#&!%@ sleep.