Egg Whites, Please?

Sitting with some friends at brunch the other day, I silently discovered a deep seeded problem I have. I am terrified to ask for what I want. Not simply, “I am a little nervous to voice my desires” but rather, “if I say what I want people will hate me and reject me and I’ll be all alone.” What’s really kooky is that this thought process came up over an egg white omelette.

Realistically I know that wanting egg whites rather than the full egg is a minor change. It probably isn’t very tough for a kitchen staff to separate the yolk out, but what if they hate me now? In my mind it goes down like this:

– I ask for the egg whites instead of regular egg.
– The waitress thinks I’m pretentious and instantly loathes me.
– She goes into the kitchen to give them my order and a long winded conversation about what a pain I am ensues.
– They all laugh at me and spit in my food (which I now accept and somehow feel I deserve).
– The entire restaurant staff goes home at the end of their shift and tells everyone they know and love how horrible and pompous I am.
– People see me on the street and laugh at me, pointing and sneering.
– The media catches wind of the populous’ general hatred of me and it becomes commonplace to abandon me as a friend and loved one.
– My community decides I am a plague upon their well adjusted lives and casts me out.
– Word of my banishment spreads far and wide; now, with nowhere to go I am alone and helpless, I become a nomad, traveling from place to place with only my neurotic pets as company.
– Eventually the animals turn against me and no longer view me as their pack leader. They will soon leave on their own journey, leaving me to talk to rocks and trees.
– I become the crazy long haired dirty woman that people only know for her tendency to sway back and forth on park benches while trying to talk to pigeons.

Sensing that this thought process was perhaps a little dramatic and unreasonable, I worked up the nerve to ask if they offered egg whites for their omelets. The waitress smiled and said, “Of course! Not a problem at all.”

I’m nuts.