I have a policy about never wishing for time to move faster or complaining about a year and saying, “I’m ready to be done with 2013, can’t 2014 just hurry up and get here?” I think each day is a chance for something great and the change of a calendar year will not bring true change by itself.
What I will say about the years is that as they pass they each become remembered for the major events that happened in them. For example, 2008 was the year I got cancer; I’m sure many other things happened and that if I thought for a few moments I could even recall them, but it was defined by that singular event. Things that are negative do have a tendency to outweigh the happier times, but that does not mean that a year is never remembered for good things. I hope that 2014 will be the year my sister gets married or the year I first run a half marathon, I expect both of those will happen and I pray that nothing so terrible manages to override them.
The year of 2013 will always be the year my mother died. I still remember last New Year’s Eve my mother was in the hospital and I sat with her for hours and hours. I thought about the possibility that this might be her last new year and quickly stepped away from the idea, hoping it wouldn’t be true. Now I’m on the verge of this new 365 day cycle and I am so aware of her absence. I can say this now because I’m not wishing any part of the year away, but fuck 2013. I will take with me some fond memories but mostly I’m okay with saying I’m ready for 2014 if for no other reason than the chance to redefine.
My mom’s goal for me in 2013 was for me to write more posts in this blog than I did in 2012. I have now done that for her and for myself and I can leave the year on a high note.