Crumbling Down

I’m not good at keeping all my juggling balls in the air when I’m sad. I am incredibly capable of accomplishing amazing feats when I get on a fast track and my mind is clear. Days like today I feel my success slipping through my fingers.

I got into a fight this morning with one of my closest comedy friends and he ended up saying some things that have cut me to my core. Now I have to write in my blog, shower, grocery shop, eat, get ready for work and bartend all night and I can barely think straight. This is on me now. I’m supposed to say that words don’t matter and have enough self love to at least keep moving for the day. How does someone reach that point? This isn’t a love interest or a boyfriend, those people I can brush off and move away from with my head held high. This was a friend. This was someone I didn’t see coming and I’m done for the day.

I need to write 6 more blog posts today. I must smile while I serve cocktails at a fundraiser. I have to take in stride any other bad news that comes my way. I don’t want to. I can and I will; but I don’t want to.

I just want to be seen and heard. I want to be able to say, “you are hurting my feelings” and have that not get turned on me. We all have our baggage and things get ugly when it all collides with other people’s stuff.

I have talked to multiple people in an effort to bounce back and the truth is that this one is going to take some time. So there is my blog post. I have to march forward and keep working towards my goal, but I couldn’t possibly write about anything else right now.